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A flood of intense shame came over me, but I wanted to see more.

I almost got caught, so I resolved to never do it again.

When things between us ended, I combated rejection and heartache with pornography and masturbation. Every morning and evening—sometimes even in the afternoons—I would engage in those things.

On the outside I was a straight-A student, a leader in my high school's chapel band, a core part of my youth group, a social butterfly, and a talented athlete.

I searched for it on Google, and up came countless links to pornographic websites.