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We have been together long enough that I barely remember what it feels like to go on a date.

Our rarity also makes the internet a lifeline for us—just as it is for any other minority—allowing us to connect with each other across great distances and feel less alone.

So it’s especially unfortunate that we can’t talk about a vast swath of human experience without being surveilled by people who are obsessed with hating us.

I want to make something clear right off the bat: Not everyone needs to date a transgender person. In all seriousness, though, I have to put that disclaimer at the front of this essay because the online discourse machine has a nasty habit of misinterpreting transgender people who try to talk about the struggles of finding romance.

And that bad-faith twisting of our words needs to stop.

Cox had to clarify on Twitter this week that the headline was “taken a bit out of context.” “To be clear,” she continued, “I am referring to men who seek out and have sex with trans women but choose to keep us a secret.